Christmas

Goodness, so now Christmas is over and the new year is almost here.

Christmas was good this year dispite some bumps in the road. First, on Christmas eve my papa Orszak(dad's father) was rushed to the er. He is 85 years old, so we all followed. You just never know, and I don't like to think about it. My papa is a great man. I lived with my grandparents my teen years and they survived that. : ) Sorry if I seem to ramble a bit its 4am here. He is at home now, he was released Christmas day. They think he may have had a ministroke.

Also I got a super great suprise from my girlfriends! Now to back up a bit, for about a year now some of us girls from high school have been getting together for a girls night out.(thanks to facebook) The last one we celebrated the fact that my PET scan was clear.
My friend Jackie(we have been besties since HS and talk pretty much everyday)came over the tues before Christmas with her daughter to help me out with shopping and her daughter was going to watch the kids. Well Destiny walking in a handed me a card and said you soo have to read this it is from my aunt in Nebraska and it is hilarious. So I opened it and was like Des you left your money inside. Jackie told me to look again. Inside the card was a note from all the girls and money!!! To help out with last min Christmas shopping(which it was all pretty much last min) I was speechless and shaking. These girls are amazing!

So Christmas was a blast and I didn't give to much thought about cancer. Family asked questions but thats ok. I am fine talking about it. Doesn't make me feel like I am bottled up. Although now that Christmas is over I know that chemo is coming soon. I am on that emotional roller coaster again. Hubby is still having a hard time dealing sometimes. I see that in his actions and his short temper. I have one child that will test your nerves. So things have been kinda up and down in the house. Hubby and I had a rather large disagreement over discipline. I am hoping that we can go talk to someone soon, because if not I am not sure that we are going to come through this together. We tend not to communicate our feelings with each other until it is too late and we are angry about something else. Its not healthy and we have gone to counseling before because of it.

We did also take all 6 kids to see Alvin and the chipmunks at the theatre. First time EVER taking all 6. Although the teenage kids are not a problem and really the middle two were good. Katie even sat through it. Zachery not so much, his attention span is still only 30min tops.

My oldest son has gone to fla this week with my hubby's parents. They had a friend whose mother passed away. I figured since he knew them too and it would give him a break from the fam for a while. He has been really great helping out around the house for the past few weeks. Also this whole situation is stressing him out too.,so it is a much needed vacation for him.

Mom will be here this Sunday to help out. Thank goodness, I am worried about how I am going to handle chemo with so many kids. I know that MIL is next door but she does have to work and this way I will have someone here 24/7. I already have lots of support but she will be that little extra that I will need. Not just to help with the kids but if I have one of those "I need my mommy" moments. Hey don't laugh you know what I am talking about.

So my first chemo is scheduled for Jan 6th. Just a few days before my 33rd birthday but hey it is better than to have started it before Christmas. I was already tired enough there is no way I could have gotten through it doing chemo too! Sis I think is going with me. I have starting thinking about what I am going to take with me since I was told that I will be there for about 7 hours the first time. After that maybe 4 hours each time. I am having 8 rounds of chemo every 3 weeks. I am doing a clinical trial of taxol, gemzar, and avastin. I was told this is a more harsh group of chemo, but I am young and should be able to handle it well. The avastin will make my hair fall out and it usually happens about 10-14 days after my first infusion. One of them I think them causes bone pain because it will make the bone marrow grow at a faster rate. So they said for a few days after I will feel like I have the flu. Those are going to be the main side effects. I am taking anti naus. meds so that I will not get sick. They don't like for you to get sick anymore.
Oh and hot flashes was another but doesn't matter cause I already have those-lol

So, I am off to bed again. Katie was up coughing and I gave her some meds and waited for her to fall back asleep and stop coughing. We have pink eye running around the house. yeah me.
night night

Port Placement

Last Wednesday I had my port placement surgery.

I woke up at 6am grabed a shower-hubby and I took the kids to school and headed off to Spartanburg regional.

My surgery was to start at 11am-I got there at 8:30am to check in and get ready iv's ect. I was a very nervous and hubby was right there with me. Although he hates hospitals more than I do. We really didn;t talk much and just watched tv before I went back. At 10:45 they wheeled me back to surgery-they told me that they were just going to do this as a local and put me in a twilight sleep so that I could breath on my own and not be on a ventalator.

Well I woke up and looked at the clock it was nearly 2. I was shocked! I had a mask on my face pumping in oxygen-my neck hurt like hell and I had this horrible need to cough but my throat hurt. I asked the nurse why my throat hurt and why my neck hurt.
She told me that they had to put me under and had to put me on a ventalator because I was probably in pain and moving too much.

On Thurday morning I went to the kids Christmas program. It was too cute although I was still in pain i really enjoyed it-

Dentist

OK So on Monday I had to do the dentist thing again. I had 2 cavities to be filled.
First 2 ever! So I wasnt sure what to expect-I knew I would be numbed and all that.
Well everything went great-piece of cake, only complaint was the horrible smell when he was grinding my teeth down ewwww. Smelled like something burning-yuck. Took like 3 hours for the local to wear off, no biggie.

Well today I went with my sis to her obgyn appointment-finally a doc appointment that wasn't about me! LOL She had her 20 week ultrasound appointment today and we found out that she is having another little boy! : ) So sweet! Although Katie was really hoping for a girl(I think she is tired of being the only girl) To tell you how bad it is-I have 5 boys and now my sis is going to have 2 boys. WE also have 2 step sisters that have 4 boys between them. So poor little Katie is sooo outnumbered-but in a few years that could make for one heck of a football game!

I also got to go with my little Zachzach on his field trip to seen Santa-(pics to follow) He loves Santa ran right up to him and was telling Santa what he wanted even before he got on his lap!

I am having my port put in the am. I am a little nervous, only because this is new. I am still coping pretty well. We have had some family issues with everyone still coping. Hubby wants to work alot because he knows we need the money, but I need him here to help me with the kids. My mom will be here the 3rd of Jan to help me with the day to day stuff because NOW hubby's business decides to pick up! Not that I am complaining but he tends to be a workaholic. He will work 7 day and not blink. He almost never gets home before 6:30-7:00. I love that he does work so hard.
He only wants the best for us. It just doesn't leave a whole lot of us time.
I am soo ready for another weekend away! Maybe in January.

FINALLY-some good news

I finally got some good news for once. The PET scan that I had on Thursday came back clear! Whoohoo. So the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else in my body. So now on to the next step-treatment.
I get my port put in on Wednesday and chemo is supposed to start on the Monday after Christmas. I am nervous about my first treatment because I don't know what to expect.

On a lighter note last night we had our girls night out. This is something that was started not so long ago with some girls that I went to HS with. Some of them I had been in touch with since HS on a regular basis. Some of the girls I had not seen since HS. We all found each other on facebook, and our girls night is growing with each gathering. Last night there was about 12 of us. I will post pics later.
We went to Sticky Fingers in downtown Greenville. I was kind of suprised that they were not busy, which was a good thing because we were there for 2 hours(i think the waitress was a little irritated with us)but we all had a great time!

PET scan and Surgeon appointment

OK so today I had my PET scan. I was thinking it was just like the MRI I had but I would be in the machine for two hours instead of the hour I was before.
Well I was wrong. I go in and the nurses are great-I am still thinking because I tend to look only 25ish not 32. I walk in and they take me back to a small room and check my sugar. I had to fast for this one. My sugar was fine, so they brought out this needle in a large metal container. Radioactive material. I should have taken a pic of that surenge. They gave me saline and the radioactive junk and told me I had to lay there for an hour and a half. Then she brought in this totally nasty drink that I gaged down. The actual scan took only 20 minutes. My fingers are crossed that this has not spread past my lymph nodes. I am due for some half way good news.

After the scan my sis and I took my nephew over to CEC (chuck e cheese) so that he could get his energy out before heading back to the cancer center to see my surgeon.
We also stopped by a small toy store downtown and bought the Elf on the Shelf-
It is a newer Christmas tradition where an elf sits on a shelf and watches the kids during the day and after they go to sleep he reports back to santa. He is majical and when the kids wake up in the am he is in a new location and the kids have to find him-only rules are-they cannot touch him and he cannot talk to them. It is really cute and comes with a story book. It was a huge hit with my four youngest!

After our shopping trip we headed back to the surgeons office. I was there just to schedule my day to have my port put in. We talked and joked about a few other things. He loves to repeat the fact that I have 6 kids/5 pregnancies-lol I think he is also impressed that I am not an emotional basketcase. I tend to joke alot-heck its better to joke then to walk around like a zombie and red eyes. Now I have my days or moments but not as bad now as it was in the begining. After telling Dr Hird that Monday and Thursday were out-then sis saying Tuesday was out we finally decided that Wednesday was the day the port was being put in and another biopsy for the clinical study. He also told me after chemo started that he wanted me to come in and discuss options about surgery. He didn't want to rush into anything yet. Love my surgeon though he is great. My oncologist is great too! His nurses already know half my life story. lol

After I was done at Dr Hird's office I went down a floor to my oncologists office and got both my flu shots. Not bad-my arm is sore. I will be getting a phone call from my oncologist about my results from the PET scan.

Off to bed now....

More testing

Ok so i know it has been almost a week since my last post. I have so much to say but am going to try to keep it short.

Last Thursday I saw the oncologist for the first time. He told me that the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. After that again i had mush brain. My husband and mother in law were with me. This oncologist was so great he actually took notes for me. We did decide that chemo-surgery-radiation was the route for me. Even as I am typing this it still doesn't seem real. Like I am just in a bad dream or something.

He told me that I still had more testing to do that they couldn't officially stage me yet but it was looking like a 2 1/2 so far-whatever that is. Didn't know there were half stages in cancer. Anyway. I did more bloodwork and went home to make some more phone calls about that day.

Fast forward to more testing-Monday I had a MUGA of my heart. That is where they go in and take blood out(about a vile) and put this radioactive junk in and then wait 25 min and put it back in. Then take pics of my heart beating. Wierd huh. Then I get a call from the oncologists office saying they want me back over there that afternoon for more bloodwork and an ekg.

When I get over there the nurse kinda looks at me crazy and said "am I really doing a pregnancy test on you" I was like "what?!" ok I find two things wrong with this-first of all I had a tubal 4 years ago second they pumped me full of radioactive junk THEN want to do a preg test. So find out it was for the clinical study that I am doing-just some technical stuff.

In the midst of all this I have been going to the dentist also. They want to make sure you don't have any infection in your mouth before starting chemo because your immune system is down and even a small infection in your mouth can make you sick.
So I have 2 cavities(first 2 ever) I also had to have my teeth cleaned and needed a debritment for some buildup on the back of my front bottem teeth. NOT fun-she told me my gums would be sore. I was like whatever it didnt hurt at the time, but oh my are they sore now!!! sheesh. I did have a small infection and am on antibiotics now. I go back again two more times next week.

Tommorow is my PET scan and I go see my surgeon about putting in my port for chemo.
I swear I am just so worn out from all these appointments. Christmas just seems to be flying by this year. I want it to slow down just a bit. Hopefully it will when the kids get out for the break.

I did talk to the nurse to see if they can hold off chemo until the Monday after Christmas and she told me she would ask and didn't see why not.

I'll post more after I have that 2 hour PET scan tomorrow

Lymph Node Biopsy

Yesteday I had the axillary lymph node biopsy and it was almost totally painfree!
I had an awsome doctor doing the procedure. I wish the first biopsy had gone this smoothly. I will find out today the results when I meet with Dr Corso. I have heard great things about him from so many people. I am just getting nervous now because I know that treatment will follow very soon and am not sure yet what that will be.
Chemo first? That is what Dr Hird was leaning toward. Will I lose my hair, will I be sick? Will I gain weight will I lose weight. Will I be tired(not that I am not already) How long is this going to take? DO I need to worry about getting the H1N1 vaccine. How bad is my immune system going to be? With 6 kids I am always bringing something into the house virus wise. I am not scared of dying from cancer but what if I get a secondary infection my body cannot fight because of my weakend immune system from Chemo? I know I am a worrier. Can't help it, I always have been.

Also on another note-last night at church the youth Pastor was let go(fired) it was really hard on the youth. I have my own opinions but not going to post them. That is between me and GOD right now. I love my church and am sure they made the best decision for the benifit of our youth. My oldest who is in the youth group is having a hard time with me having cancer. I am having issues with him and his girlfriend esp when he is only 14 and she is 16. I had caught him in a lie only because he noramally doesn't lie because he is so bad at it. There is drama i don't want to deal with on her end and I don't need the stress.

We have decided to sit the little ones down and tell them tonight after I go to the oncologist. I didn't want to scare them in the beginging. We only told the older ones because they knew something was going on and didn't want to scare them with secrets.

So I will post more later today or in the morning......

Thanksgiving

Well today is Thanksgiving and despite my recent bad news I still have so much to be thankful for.

We had dinner with my husbands family-our neighbors lol. So we didn't have to travel far, thank goodness.

To back up a bit though for a minute. I did talk to the doctor on Tuesday evening.
I asked him a few questions about what type of cancer I had-invasive ductile.

I asked him what the results from the ultrasound and MRI where. He told me that by the ultrasound that my lymph nodes looked diseased and he wants me to have another biopsy done this time on my lymph nodes. He also told me that he is still leaning on doing chemo first.

I am going to keep this short but will post more on when I have a date for the next biopsy-I do have an appointment with my oncologist on Thursday the 3rd of December.

Well I am off to get some pumkin pie-since this if the first day I have been able to eat well in about a week! : )

Yesterday afternoon I had an ultrasound and MRI done of my lymphnodes. I didn't get an answers yesterday from anyone-I asked to see my pathology report and the Ultrasound tech said she didn't see them in my file. argh. She told me to call my doc in the morning to get results from my MRI and ultrasound.

I called this am and am still waiting for him to call me back. I had to take my mammo's back to the hosp this morning and on my way back I was rear ended. Good grief Charlie Brown. No damage to my car that I could see but I still waited on the cop to get there because I had a hitch on the back of my Yukon and the guy that rear ended me was stuck on the hitch.

So now I am home and ready to take a nap!!!!Hopefully the rest of the week will be better!

The Day the world came crashing down

OK so I started this blog to keep up with my family and events that are important so that one day I could look back. Well, it will still be that way but with a new twist.

On November 19, 2009 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Yes that's right I have cancer at the age of 32. It, unfortunately, will be a day that I remember for the rest of my life, But first, let me tell the story of how I got here.

In early September 2009 I was sitting at my computer desk on Facebook. (I think I am an addict) when i moved my shoulder and got a stabbing pain in my chest like I pulled a muscle.
I called my mother in law because it was that bad. She came down got the kids and helped me off the floor. Not sure why I was on the floor. I took some medicine and put a heating pad on it and it soon went away. I noticed a couple of days later that I felt a lump in my right breast close to where I had felt my pulled muscle. I figured it had to do something with that and I would watch it for a week or two.

The weekend of September 26th- Frank and I went to Ashville for our 9th Anniversary. While there ,I noticed the lump was still there and was now sore. I told Frank of my fears and decided when I got back I would make an appointment for my yearly exam.

I made an appointment for my yearly and the earliest I could get in was October 21st. I went to see Dr Brown and told him about my lump-he said it was probably nothing but he was going to send me for a mammo and ultrasound just to be on the safe side.

October 26th-I had my mammo and ultrasound the doc came in and told me I have 4 places one he wanted to have biopsied and the other 3 he said may need a fine needle aspiration because they were probably cysts. Still they couldn't tell me anything because I was in that not nothing but not too worried about it either. It wasn't something that screamed cancer to them.

The next couple of weeks was crazy because I don't have insurance and I needed to find someone to do the biopsy-My step sister had just gone though this process and my step mom told me that she had gotten a Susan G Komen grant to pay for her biopsy(it was clear of cancer)
I called around to see which hospital had grant money-in the meantime Tonya gave me the number to the grant fund at Spartanburg Regional. Where I ultimately wound up at.

I had trouble scheduling everything because I had been so many places and the docs all needed info and there was some miscommunication, but finally I had a date set for Nov. to see a surgeon about getting a biopsy done. He did a quick ultrasound and said it was something too, just didn't know what and he wasn't too concerned about it.

On November 15th-I finally had the biopsy done, not a pleasant experience to say the least! My numbing medicine kept wearing off and it seemed to take forever. I felt every bit of the last place they biopsied. Frank went with me and I am so glad he did because I hurt all the way home and for the next couple of days.

On November 19th-We arrived back at the surgeons office at 2:15. I had already had a bad day.
The HE washer flooded the laundry room floor and I had a small emotional meltdown on the phone with Frank. I had a gut feeling that morning that new was not going to be good. I don't know how to describe it but a very heavy feeling in my gut-the same feeling I had a couple of months earlier when I was in Ashville.

By 3:35 we were still waiting for the doctor to come in and see us. I knew then that the news wasn't good. Other patients that got there after us had been called and had left. At about 3:45 the doc came in and sat down and said exactly this "All 3 places biopsied came back cancer" It was almost like he was in disbelief as well. I was trying to listen with all my heart and I heard a few things he said. Which wasn't much because he told us everything after cancer would go in one ear and out the other. I glanced over at Frank while he was talking to see him lift his glasses and wipe away tears. I was choking my own tears back. I wanted to hear everything the doctor said.
When he asked me about an oncologist I asked him to refer me to one. I told him I had no insurance. He said he was going to treat me like a queen no matter what. He said that he and his nurse were going to take great care of me and get everything scheduled for the next step. When he walked out of the room, Frank walked over and put his arm around me, and I lost it. Not like uncontrollably, but I did cry. I think I was in too much shock. Deb, mother in law, called while we were still there and I had to hand the phone to Frank. I couldn't even say the word! I know people were starting to wonder what the outcome was going to be since everyone knew our appointment was at 2 and no one had heard from us by 4:15. I got my appointment for an MRI and ultrasound of my lymph nodes, since we were only told it was cancer. They didn't know what kind of breast cancer of how far it has spread. We didn't talk about treatment options since we didn't have all the facts yet.

This is far from being over and has all just begun. I have been through every emotion-not openly yet. I have cried, I have been angry, I have asked why me? I have enough on my pate GOD why me? Seriously I know he never gives us more than we can handle but I am NO SUPERWOMAN! There has to be something behind this, a lesson, something. why would GOD, knowing I have already had somewhat of a stressful like put something on my plate like this and why now? I don't know those answers but in time HE will show me. I have a HUGE network of family and friends that have already shown their support for me. I have so many people that care and are not going to let me fail or fall!

Well here it is Saturday November 21st and I have finally had a day of rest. I will continue to blog throughout my journey. Some about the medical aspects and some about my emotional. Even some about my family, since this is what the original blog was about. : )

Switcharoos consignment sale

Ok so I guess i don't blog as often as I thought I was going to, but with 6 kids, well you can guess I am a little busy.

This week is the consignment sale at switcharoos at the Carolina first center. To tell you how crazed we get with this my sis and I volunteered so that we could shop early!
She got there at about 3:45 on Wed, and there was already a line, She called me wanting to know where I was, I think Reed was getting a little impatient.HEHE

When I got there OMG there were sooo many people there. I got in line at about 4:20 entertained Reed a bit and waited for 5:00 to get there so we could shop. I was wanting to find Zachery a bike and a few things for the kids clothing wise.

When it was time I made a beeline for the back-no bikes but I did find Katie the most precious little table and chair set. It was white with pink and purple flowers. ONLY $25!!! I grabbed it and a few other things. April got a basketball goal for Reed and a few other little things.
WE had a blast that night, me especially being kid free-lol

I will update with pics of all our goodies later-table is in g-ma's garage for her birthday.
So you may have to wait for the birthday blog : )

HI! So this is my first post ever! I am new to blogging so you may have to excuse any changes I may keep making to the blog as I am just learning : )

To start with I am Brandy. My husband Frank and I have been married for going on 9 years now. We have known each other for 17 years, we met in 9th grade. He was dating a friend of mine and set me up with his friend on a blind date. Who would have ever guessed we would be where we are today.

We married in Sept of 2000. Adam was born in January of 2003. Daniel came next in March of 2004 and then the twins(Zachery and Katie) in August of 2005. Chris(14) and Jordan(12) are my oldest boys were from previous relationhips, but Frank considers them his as well.

I never though I would be living in Laurens but here we are. We have been here for the past 6 years and I am still warming up to the idea of living here. All my friends live in Greenville and although it takes only 30 minutes to get there it seems a state away when you have 6 kids!.

Ok enough for now and hope to be blogging more in the near future about events or just fun days in our lives-will try to keep it more on the positive side!

I you want to know why we are the Handley bunch I think the pic below speaks for itself.